It was not an instant transition. It began with a lot stubborn digging in my heels at the inevitable. And when I say digging in my heels, I mean flagrant disregard for my actions. Its funny how it happens, sometimes. One can feel so very spiritually connected- and in many respects, one can certainly be plugged in to something bigger, whatever name one might call the consciousness that animates everything. And in my case, one can blog tirelessly about miracles, epiphanies, revelations, and paradigm shifts, as I have done for the past two years, see my other blog howlinghive.blogspot.com. Its been the main thrust and purpose of my being- to be present to the miraculous, and to share my experiences, in hopes that others might also gain some insight and wonder in their own journeys.
So, I ain't mad at me. Like most, I do the best I can with what I have access to at the time. And in spite of all of this, I was still eating like a child. My staple foods being Kraft Deluxe macaroni and cheese, coca cola, and...well, mostly that. Maybe Oreos too. When it came to feeding my children, I was far more diligent in offering them a variety of healthy options. They would be likely to go in and snack on tomatoes or a salad, or Wheaties. For real- they would grab the box of Wheaties sitting next to my box of Honeycombs. So I felt pretty smug that I had done my job, as far as my kids go.
In early 2012, I was at a dinner party my friend threw, all of us strong women who were working on not kicking our own asses any more- as in, living a lifestyle of abstinence from alcohol and drugs. One friend started telling me about Monsanto. It was diabolical what she was saying. But even more diabolical was my response- I didn't want to hear it. I closed down. What she was saying threatened the very fiber of my being. Not, mind you, that I had that self evolved realization at that moment (that is pure hindsight) I just didn't want to hear it. In retrospect I can say that it posed a serious threat to me. If I were to hear her, it would be an overhaul of the way I live my life, and that seemed an impossible mission, unthinkable. I would have to accept total responsibility- because as far as all this went- I was the bad guy. Or- not bad. Just sleepwalking.
And for the next year I continued to eat my Wienershnitzel hot dogs on Saturday afternoons while running errands, and to eat my kid food, and to think nothing of it. See, I can eat what I want. Don't hate- I just have a metabolism that never forced me to reconsider what I put in my body. I could eat hotdogs and honeycombs and macaroni and cheese and oreos and I rarely got sick and never put on weight. When I think about my attachment to this way of eating, all I can think is that it made me feel like a kid. It was comfort food. I had cultivated an emotional relationship to certain brands- Kraft, Jif, Nabisco. My tastebuds asked for it and I was happy to appease them. It was totally unconscious. I tell myself that I want to live a deliberate life, that I make choices based on all the information I have in front of me- and as long as I didn't let that information about Monsanto get to me, then based on the information I allowed to cross my path- there was nothing wrong with it.
In the past couple of months, however, I could not avoid it. I can't remember the first thing I read, but I definitely saw it on facebook. And then I saw that a March Against Monsanto was coming up, and I decided to go. In the month in between the that moment and the march, I started reading all that I could, and I was floored by what I had, not so long ago, tried to block out of my consciousness. It could not be avoided anymore.
About twelve years ago, I had a skincare company with my best friend. We were one of the very first green skin care products that also tried to make it glamorous. We were fond of saying- "If you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem." We meant it- we were all about natural ingredients, and touting that it was actually a beauty enhancing endevor to be part of the solution.
So here was that little phrase, come back to haunt me. Part of the solution. For all my good intentions, I was deeply embedded in the problem, if not even a bit of a cheerleader for it.
What now? I am a self proclaimed hater of vegetables, although truth be told, there are a few exceptions. Fruit, vegetables, and water have not been a part of my diet as an adult, excpet on rare occasions. At restaurants, when they ask if I would like still or sparkling water, I cheekily reply- "I dont drink water! I'll have a coke." Once, at a rib joint in Humble, Texas, where we had a long layover coming back from Belize (Humble being the closest town with the cheapest motel) the girl behind the counter asked what vegetable I would like. In true form, I quipped, "I don't eat vegetables." She didn't bat an eye. And it occurred to me that those were my people- these giant ribs and buckets of coke were their main fare. I wasn't so sure I wanted to be one of them. I ignored that thought wholeheartedly.
So- I am a great experiment. The worst case scenario, and with other issues that make it daunting to try to eat better- eating with a social consciousness is NOT CHEAP, right? And it requires a lot more preparation and thought- how am I supposed to do this when I am a totally single parent of two teenage girls and work full time?
I will tell you how I did it. In fact, I will chronicle how I am doing it, and how I became an urban farmer and beekeeper to boot. That's the point of this blog.
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